Approval addiction
I overheard a fire service leader talking about needing to remember to give her crews regular verbal validation as part of their development. She said it with a tone of exhaustion, like it was just another task stacked onto an already overloaded list.
Early in my career, I wanted the same thing from my supervisors. The pat on the back. The gold star. The quiet confirmation that I was doing a good job—especially when I was new and still figuring out where I stood.
Most of the time, it didn’t come.
What I eventually realized was that, deep down, I already knew when I was doing good work. And the more I leaned into that internal signal, the less I needed someone else to confirm what I already understood about myself.
I see a lot of firefighters, especially high achievers, stuck chasing external validation. That chase is exhausting. It never really ends, and it never really satisfies.
Because here’s the problem: when your sense of worth depends on other people noticing your effort, you’re no longer operating from confidence. You’re operating from dependence. And that dependence quietly starts shaping your decisions, your mood, and even your identity.
The stronger move is to build your own validation system.
That might look like tightening your internal dialogue. It might look like consciously acknowledging when you did something well instead of immediately dismissing it. It might simply mean refusing to outsource your self-worth to the opinions of others.
Because when you know you’re doing solid work, and you can recognize that without needing it reflected back to you, something shifts. The need for external approval doesn’t disappear entirely, but it stops running the show.
Your supervisor’s job is not to build your ego. That’s your job. And part of becoming a mature, grounded professional is learning how to carry an internal sense of worth that doesn’t collapse when nobody is clapping.
In a profession that often preaches humility, I’d argue there’s a more useful balance: a stable ego that isn’t dependent on approval, but also isn’t fragile enough to fall apart under criticism.
Acknowledge yourself when you do well. Give yourself credit when it’s earned and stop waiting for permission to recognize your own performance.
Over time, you’ll notice something important: your sense of well-being becomes less dependent on reputation, approval, or whether the crew is giving you a nod that day. It becomes anchored in something steadier—your own assessment of who you are and how you show up.
Want more mental performance tips to make life at the firehouse easier and more successful? Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more helpful content just like this.